one person holding another persons hands representing forgiveness as a healing power

There are many different causes for disorganization. Often, people who were previously organized find it challenging to maintain their systems when they’re in some type of emotional distress. Today’s guest blogger has some helpful advice for those struggling with anger or resentment by using forgiveness as a healing power.

Forgiveness is perhaps the most difficult word in the English language. For some, forgiveness implies that you no longer hold the wrongdoer responsible for their actions. However, forgiveness means only that you relinquish the hold that the wrongdoer has on your life and no longer give them power over your feelings and emotions.

Although holding onto a grudge and feeling victimized may make us feel better (or so we think), it actually does considerably more harm than good. Resentment and anger are negative emotions that eat at the soul and cause serious physical, mental, and emotional ailments.

How can I forgive the unforgivable?

Some acts are so heinous that it is difficult to comprehend even the beginning of forgiveness. However, it is easier to forgive most offenses (whether real or perceived) than we initially believe. Forgiveness is difficult because we make it difficult by holding onto grudges and resentments.

Forgiveness is a conscious choice to take action. It begins with accepting that an event occurred in the past, and we cannot change it. It does not mean accepting that the event or action was correct, appropriate, moral, or ethical. Simply, it happened; therefore, it is.

The next conscious step is to accept that the event or action has controlled your life for too long and that it will no longer do so. By doing this, you start to regain control of your life and emotions because you release the negative feelings associated with the event or action. When you can think of the event or action without emotion, just as you would think of yesterday’s weather, for example, then you know the hurt no longer controls your life.

How do I get started?

A list of hurts is a must for anyone who wants to regain control of their life and release the negative emotions associated with specific events or actions. The next step on the forgiveness journey is to list the people who have wronged you, what they did, and why. For example:

[Name], you hurt me when you [write out event], and it made me feel [write out your emotions and be very specific].

Do this for every person who has hurt you. When you have completed your list, analyze each situation. Visualize the event or action as you remember it. Then look at it from the other person’s viewpoint and imagine reasons they might have behaved as they did. At times, gaining a new perspective on an event or action will release the negative emotions surrounding the occurrence.

Once you have analyzed your list and developed a new perspective on each event, write a message to each individual. This message is intended for your benefit. You do not need to send it to the individual. Your message should be similar to the following:

[Name], I now understand why you did what you did to me. I also understand why I felt the way that I did. Now, I forgive you for your behavior and actions and relinquish the hold your actions have had over my life. Although I do not condone your behavior, I will no longer allow you to hurt me.

When we begin to think of forgiveness as a healing power rather than an indication that we condone a wrong, we ease our life’s path. When we learn to forgive others, we can begin to forgive ourselves for our own imperfections.


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