REALITY, HELPING a HOARDER

Since the A&E network's show "Hoarders" started airing, a lot of people who have been living "private" lives are contacting me (as are their families), asking for advice about getting help. They want to know, step by step, what the process involves and what they should consider before moving forward. Unfortunately, I can no longer answer everyone individually due to the volume of inquiries. Instead, I thought I would post some of the topics I talk about with potential clients and client families.

Helping a hoarder involves more than simply cleaning out the home. Personal, emotional, and even financial issues come into play. Here are a few things to consider when attempting to help a hoarder:

Personal

“Outing” a hoarder may ruin a relationship. Sometimes the hoarder will feel angry or hurt and may disconnect themselves from the person trying to help them. In addition, it often divides families, with one half of a family thinking, “Leave the hoarder alone, they aren’t harming anyone except themselves," and the other half thinking, "I am not going to sit around and be negligent about this; it’s a mental disorder and I’m going to take action.”

Once a private hoarding situation becomes public (outside involvement coming from fire chiefs, social workers, code enforcers, mental health practitioners, etc.), things tend to move more rapidly than the hoarder or the family expects. The hoarder feels a loss of control. So does the family.

Emotional

Also worth noting, especially for mid-life or elderly hoarders, is that many of them have been homeowners for several years and “home” means they know their neighbors, their community, and the local rhythm of a neighborhood. They are comfortable getting around town and making appointments. They navigate well in familiar territory. To remove them, from their “comforting” piles of clutter and their home may exacerbate feelings of depression, disorientation or helplessness. They may feel anxious, out of control or ashamed.

Consider how you and your loved ones will feel if the media grabs the story and makes it public. Hoarders rarely have visitors. Seeing a lot of people suddenly coming and going from a once-quiet home is going to start people talking. How will you handle gossip and curious neighbors' questions?

Financial

It’s important to remember that a house is usually a hoarder’s biggest financial asset and if it’s condemned they will have nothing. Where will the person live if they are ‘unfit’ mentally to live alone in their own home? Who is willing to take in the hoarder? Who will pay for assisted living or an apartment for them? If the hoarder is staying in the home but it needs to be repaired to be livable, where will the money come from? Years of mold or mildew may rot walls. Piles of heavy wood or magazines may warp beams. Pets or insects may have damaged flooring. Repairs can be pricey. Understand that cleaning out the home may be just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to expenses.

Support

Even at your lowest, most frustrated point, always keep in mind that most authorities who work with hoarders are deeply committed and compassionate people. They are your allies, not your enemies, and they have a job to do. Work with them, not against them. Politely request local support services available through churches or community organizations. Remember, this is not a quick fix. So take some deep breaths and take one day at a time.